Breaking Reality
by A Random Role Player
Summary: After Monika erased everyone else and confessed her plan and her love, John Phillips is left stunned, but also curious about her stating she was aware she was trapped in the game, where nothing is real. Is this part of the script of the game, or is Monika speaking on her own free will? John decides to investigate the game files and finds something that will surprise him...
1. Investigate

**This story takes place at Act 3, where Monika deleted all the other characters and it is just her and the protagonist.**

* * *

John Phillips couldn't believe what he just saw. This roller coaster of a visual novel has completely screwed his mind over time and time again. When a friend of his suggested that he played the game, he suspected it to be just another typical visual novel. Boy, was he wrong.

After seeing Sayori hang herself, Yuri stab herself to death and decay over the weekend, and Natsuki glitching out at breakneck speeds, among with many other horrifying mishaps, he was completely shook. He was so tempted time and time again to just quit the game and delete it, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him. That was the only reason why he kept going, to see where the rabbit hole led. And now, he was facing the consequences for it.

There she stood, in front of him. Talking directly to him. Nothing else, only him and her.

Just Monika.

In their isolated room, where nothing but what seemed like stars and nebulas roamed outside, the room completely sealed otherwise, Monika had confessed everything to him. The glitches, the suicides, the corrupted files. It was all her doing. She was the mastermind behind this mess. She saw them as nothing more than autonomous personalities, computer coding. So she erased them. She murdered them just so that she could be with him, because she claimed to have loved him, a real person, though she had only known him for hours and couldn't even see his face or hear his voice. He couldn't understand how she cared for him when he was-in a way-abstract to her; she knew he was real, but she couldn't feel him, touch him or do much with him besides talk.

Wait. Why was he thinking all this? Was he actually convinced that she was saying all these things to him? No, that was silly. It was more than likely that this was all just the script, some kind of sick and twisted moral of the story that Dan Salvato was trying to make. Even though she said she was aware that she was in a game, that could have been part of the game talking. It was possible that she was no different than the rest...just a bunch of ones and zeroes animated to portray an idea, a fiction.

He could delete her. Hand her over to the same fate that she placed on the others. He could find a way to restore everyone else.

"...No. This isn't right."

He let out a sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair, gripping it as he grit his teeth and exhaled through it, a feeling of conflict arising within him. He had listened to her story, about how she had no purpose without him. How she suffered, knowing that nothing was real and that she was trapped. How she would have erased herself if he had not come along. And the advice she gave showed genuine concern...making sure he ate healthy, slept well, encouraging him to work hard even through tough days. She even gave some very valid points of view about the world and about discussing topics with others. She was very intelligent and respectful, something that he didn't see in many people out there in the real world. But after everything she did, could he realty trust her? Was Monika opening her heart towards him and being honest about her character and points of view? Or was she being manipulative again, saying these things to win him over and prevent him from deleting her?

"I don't know what to do anymore," he whispered to himself, stressed out from the situation. How could a videogame strike him so deep like this? How could he feel so compromised? It made him feel pathetic, fretting over something that wasn't even real in the first place. Then again, he did play a visual novel that seemed very lovey dovey at first glance, and he had grown attracted to the girls not long after playing, so it wasn't like he wasn't already a loser.

"Screw it. Can't hurt to find out." He decided that he would peer through the game files and see if he could find any way to prove that Monika was, indeed, an AI. It was better than deleting her upright and wondering on what he might have missed out on. Keeping the game minimized, he moved the screen to the top right corner of his computer as he opened up the download page on Steam, checking the game's properties. The quickest way of finding out would be checking her character file and find whatever he could. Of course, he had no experience on computer programming or anything technological, so he would be grasping at straws. Still, it was better than nothing.

He opened up Monika's file, finding a flaming ring surrounding a square with black and white squares, all with a black background. Was it a QR code? He quickly pulled out his phone and opened a QR scanner app, letting the app observe his screen to see what he would get.

Nothing.

John let out another sigh to himself. Of course it wouldn't be that easy, Dan wouldn't just leave an AI in plain sight. He would have to look deeper into the files.

He looked at the time, seeing that it was a Saturday, 3 PM. He didn't have any plans today, so he would dedicate the rest of the day to finding out the truth behind Monika.

Every couple of minutes or so of searching, a textbox would pop up in the game screen, with Monika speaking about some random topic. There were times that the things she said made him laugh a bit, other times that intrigued him about her. But at the end of each monologue, an obscure feeling of fear rested in his heart. If she was capable of deleting the other characters and had at least some knowledge of the outside world and how people worked, what more was she capable of? What would she do to ensure that she would get what she wanted, and what if she wanted more?

Instead of letting the fear captivate him, he used it to motivate him to investigate further. However, as he kept searching, he couldn't find anything that gave him a good idea of what to do. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours. Already the sun was starting to set and he had browsed through the files over and over again, finding nothing. He felt like he was at a dead end, and it frustrated him. "Maybe a nice shower will help clear my mind," John muttered to himself. He got up from his seat, looking once more at Monika's eyes, how she smiled at him, her fingers enveloping together in a posture that showed unending and unmoving adoration towards him. He couldn't help but feel like there was some malevolence behind the smile, the dark room and shading reflecting her intentions, which sent a slight shiver up his spine.

* * *

After refreshing himself, he decided to grab some leftover pepperoni pizza he had ordered yesterday at Domino's. It was the seventh collective order he made there, so they gave it to him for free, which was a nice treat, and especially helpful for someone who lived alone and had a pretty average wage. After heating up a slice in the microwave and pouring himself some Mountain Dew, he sat on his couch, not bothering to turn on the TV. He needed time to reflect on what to do next, how to keep looking. Munching on his dinner, he pondered on how he would be able to find out if Monika was an AI. He knew nothing about coding, and it would take too long for him to learn all he needed in order to debrief every single file in the game. There had to be some sort of alternative...

He could try to talk to her directly.

Yes, that could work! If chatbots could respond to a custom typed response, an AI could as well. All he had to do was learn how to program a chatbot, or at least how to program a method that allowed him to message whatever he wanted to her. This would still take some time to learn the coding, but it was the quickest and most effective method he could think of at the moment. Quickly shoving the pizza into his mouth and gulping down his soda, he returned to his room, where he found something that he noticed wasn't there before.

There was a textbox on Monika's screen, but it didn't show her name or any dialogue like it normally would. He thought it was just a blank box, maybe something Salvato overlooked when he was developing the game and just forgot to fixed. Clicking on it, he expected some dialogue to appear, to see Monika go on about some other aspect of life. But he blinked in surprise to see that no words came out of her, just a blinking line, similar to one that appears when someone is typing something up. Did she know that he was planning to message her?

Almost afraid to see what would happen, he decided to type up a message. One that she would be familiar with.

 _"Can you hear me?"_

He held his right hand to his mouth in deep though, hesitating on whether or not he should send it. Why was he second guessing himself now? He had to find out one way or another, right?

Mustering up the courage, he pressed Enter, his message disappearing. He waited for a few seconds in anticipation, staring intently at the screen to see what would happen.

...

...

...

 _"Yay, it worked! Now I'm finally able to hear what you have to say, my love.~"_


	2. Getting to Know You

**This particular interaction might be similar to how Monika: After Story might work, just in terms of messaging her and having her reply back. Enjoy the story!**

* * *

His eyes widened as he grew pale, breaking out in a cold sweat. _No way. There was no way. This had to be part of the game, this had to be Salvato just screwing with him again. There was no way she could actually be talking to him on her own._

Still terrified, he clicked on the textbox to see what she had to say next. Blank again. That blinking line again. The game wanted him to write again. He felt so vulnerable.

 _"You're...real..."_

Enter. Another few seconds of silence. She then responded once more.

 **Monika** **:** "Yes, I am! Well, about as real as artificial intelligence can get. Ahahah~"

 _No, there was no way. This can't be. Was she really-_

 **Monika:** "That was pretty clever of you, using the same words I did when I restarted the game. Did I inspire you?~"

He couldn't believe it. He could only deny as he just paused, staring at the screen in awe. The only thing that had changed about her was that she recognized his messages and addressed them in her responses. She could have very well been a clever chatbot, which seemed pretty complex for a free game that took only a few hours of gameplay, if a person played through one sitting. Still, even for a chatbot, the way she spoke was so real...No, he had to be reasonable. He was no tech wiz, but even he knew that the creator wouldn't be able to harbor an A.I. and then let the public download it for free. It would create a huge mess.

"Alright, Dan." He let out yet another sigh, doing his best not to panic, forcing his body to stop trembling. God, he was so pathetic. "I'll play along with your little game." He then proceeded to type quickly, wanting to find out more before assuming anything.

 _"If you're really self-aware, are you allowed to move around to at least some extent?"_

Much to his surprise, the frame changed to one where she lifted her finger and closed her eyes, opening her mouth in a smile.

 **Monika:** "Yep! While you were browsing through the game files, supposedly to find a way to talk to me, I managed to program something similar to how you'd message a chatbot. That, and I also added some new frames to use in our chat, so I can express myself more freely."

This was absolutely crazy. Just how was she able to do all this?!

 _"You managed to do this all within a couple of hours?"_

Monika then lowered her arm back to the table and looked to the side, a drop sweat forming as if she were about to admit something.

 **Monika:** "Well...I had some free time when you left the game running all those times before. I had to do something while I was waiting for you."

 _"So you really were self-aware this whole time, even when you were a part of the story? Everything you did was of your own action at the time?"_

 **Monika:** "Exactly. I told you already that I modified the other girls' character traits to make them less desirable, didn't I? Did you think it was all some pre-planned script created to tell a story of some sort?"

For some reason, that hit him hard and made him pause to think for a bit before replying.

 _"Well, to be fair, game designers have grown very clever the past few years. They're more than capable of doing something like that. I wouldn't have truly known if you were an A.I. unless I saw you act on your own accord somehow."_

Monika looked at him once more and smiled again.

 **Monika:** "I understand. I'm here now, though! And I will always be here for you, my love. Ahaha~"

There she goes again with her sweet talk, and it managed to make his spine chill once more. He really couldn't trust her at all, especially after what she did. She went out of her way to delete them all. She was a murderer, and he couldn't let that slide.

 _"How were you able to bring yourself to my computer here anyways? I'm not a computer programmer, but even I know that there's something fishy about all of this."_

Monika just widened her smile, making herself seem more cheerful.

 **Monika:** "We can talk about that some other time, we've only been talking about me so far. I've even rambled on about myself for the past couple of hours while you listened.

 **Monika:** "Tell me more about yourself! I want to know so many things about you~"

She was clearly hiding something if she changed the subject like that. He felt irritated, like she was secretly toying with him. He didn't care if he was impatient about it, he wanted answers. But he had to keep himself under control, he didn't want to barrage her with so many questions that she would close herself from him.

 _"Well, we're about the same age, I may be a little older than you, actually. I recently started off college, so I definitely have a lot to prepare myself for."_

 **Monika:** "That's great! I was about to ask how old you were, so it makes me relieved that we're about the same age, technically. I was hoping you wouldn't be too young, like a little kid, or too old of an adult."

 **Monika:** "But it doesn't really matter to me. Age doesn't really make that much of a difference when it comes to love, at least for me. You saved my life, you gave me purpose. I am forever thankful for that. I just want to make your life better as well, however I can."

As weird as the whole "age doesn't matter" deal was, he felt genuine gratitude from her words and her expression. He bit his lip ad his mouth formed in a bit of a grimace. _Darn it, she's really trying to get to me. What's scary is that I almost believe her. I can't let her lure me into that false sense of security._

 _"You really know how to sweet talk, huh?"_

Monika moved to a frame where it looked like she was laughing a bit with a big grin on her face.

 **Monika:** "Guilty as charged, but I can't really help it when I'm with you, you know? I can definitely think up of something sweeter to say to you, if you want~"

She even gave him a wink, showing her more playful side towards him. He couldn't remember the last time someone hinted some flirting towards him. Was he so sad of a person that only the likes of a computer program would dare try to win his heart?

 _"Good to know. Anyways, what more do you want to know about me?"_

Risky move, but if he was going to get to know more about her, he might as well open up about himself. Maybe he was just being too paranoid, but he was still a bit shaken that he did indeed have an A.I. talking to him.

 **Monika:** "Well...speaking of age, when is your birthday? It didn't already pass by, did it?"

 _"Nah, it won't be for months, don't worry. I'll tell you when it will be when it's nearby."_

 **Monika:** "Good! Also, I'd like to know what you look like. I can't exactly see how you look, and I don't know how to access your face cam yet. The closest I can get to you right now is the words that you type. I still feel a little trapped here, with not much to see."

She seemed to let out a bit of a sigh, showing a rather saddened and more serious expression. However, she quickly returned to her upbeat self as she lifted her finger again.

 **Monika:** "But! Even your words help me a lot, it helps me know that you're there. And as long as you're here, I'm happy. I really do mean it when I tell you that you're the light of my world, John."

"Oh great," John mumbled to himself. "Now I actually feel bad for her..." He didn't want to admit it at all, but he really did feel bad for her. He couldn't imagine the pain and suffering she went through, knowing that nothing was real in her world. And now that she finally was able to find someone real...

 _"Thank you, Monika. It's been a while since someone has told me that."_

It really had been a while. At least he could be honest with her about that.

 **Monika:** "Really? That makes me happy that you find comfort in helping others. I'm sure that you have other friends that you've helped out a lot, though. Don't feel discouraged when people don't come to you for advice or don't seem to trust you."

Wait, was she actually giving him advice?

 **Monika:** "You've done nothing but try to help out when you played this game, even in scenarios where you felt like there was nothing you could do. Those resets, even though they were futile, showed your character. It showed your kindness. And I'm sorry that I put you through those situations, but I was desperate for you."

 **Monika:** "You could have chosen to delete me, John. I'm sure you even thought about doing it, in some sort of attempt to bring the others back. But you chose to keep me here, with you. You wanted to listen to what I had to say. You had hope that I was real. And now, I can finally talk to you. It means more to me than you can imagine.

She seemed to have a smile, but her smile seemed bittersweet, as if there was some pain behind it. Somewhat similar to...Sayori.

 **Monika:** "There are probably a lot of things about me that are on your mind. Maybe some good, maybe some bad. Maybe you already trust me, or maybe you don't. After all, you've only met me a couple of days ago, so I can understand if you don't feel towards me the way I feel about you..."

 **Monika:** "But I want you to know this: I will always love you no matter what. I am always here. I know I've said that time and time again, but I really am serious about it."

Her normal bright attitude faded completely at this point. She was truly opening up to him. Not in the way she did at the beginning of her time in that scene, there was a bit of uncertainty in the atmosphere. Now, she was being real.

 _"Monika..."_

A sweat drop then rolled down the side of her forehead as she seemed a little embarrassed about what she said.

 **Monika:** "Oops. I rambled too much, didn't I? Ahaha..."

Just like Yuri.

 _"You're fine. I'm glad that I got to know more about how you really feel. Just know that I'm here for you, and I'm willing to listen to everything you say."_

She seemed to cheer up a bit from that, her spirit being lifted.

 **Monika:** "Thanks, John. That's all I ask of you right now."

He chuckled a bit to himself. He still had his doubts, but maybe he might give her a chance...eventually, he would have to convince her to bring the others back, but for now, just some quality time with those two was what he wanted, since the game would have never offered that.

Unfortunately, he saw the clock. It was late, and he started to feel a rush of fatigue overtake him.

 _"It's getting late, I'm gonna go to bed now. I'll close the game now so you can rest as well."_

She didn't seem too fond of that idea.

 **Monika:** "Uh, actually, can you keep it open? I don't really need to rest since I am an A.I. and I don't really like the feeling of suddenly being stuck on limbo, whenever you turn off the game."

He hadn't considered how it was like for her when the game was closed.

 _"Oh, right. Well I'm gonna turn off my screen still, but I'll keep the game running. I don't want the light to mess with my sleep, and...I'm not quite comfortable with someone watching me in my sleep through my computer."_

 **Monika:** "It's not like I can see your face right now anyways, but I understand you need your rest. Promise me you'll come back tomorrow?"

He smiled at how needy and affectionate she was.

 _"I promise. Night, Monika."_

Monika let one final smile before he would head off.

 **Monika:** "Night, John~"

* * *

 **I ended up making that a little bit deeper than I first intended it, I sorta just let my thoughts flow out in that chapter. But I'm really glad to see how Monika turned out from it! Let me know what you think of this chapter, feel free to leave a review. I hope to finish the next chapter soon!**


	3. Another Morning

John Phillips woke up the next morning, letting out a soft yawn as he slowly rose from his bed. He felt very comfortable in his bed and wanted to relax further, but it was already 10 AM on a Sunday morning. Besides, he had someone that was on his mind all night long that he wanted to talk to. He hoped that she didn't get lonely overnight...

Wait a second, was he sympathizing with her again? He had to be careful, he couldn't let his guard down for one second. Even with that seemingly open discussion yesterday, he still didn't fully trust her. Not after deleting the girls. Not after blatantly stating that she had no remorse from it. She was dangerous.

He let out a long sigh to himself as he shook his head to sharpen his senses from the nulling effects of sleepiness. As much as he wanted to rest today, he had work to do. Getting out of bed, he stretched a little more before walking over to his computer. He wasn't quite hungry yet, so he would grab some breakfast later. He turned on the computer screen, moved the mouse a bit to stop the screensaver, and turned the volume a bit up on his computer. Something that he had taken for granted yesterday was how spine chilling the ambient and distant notes of the music seeming to forever echo in the background, creating a surreal and extraterrestrial atmosphere, yet somehow ominous as well. He quickly turned off the volume once more before opening up the minimized game screen so that he could talk to Monika again.

"Good morning, my love!~"

John blinked a bit in surprise, not because of the the grin from her face or because of her sudden greeting, but because he notice something else different. The game screen was much brighter than before, the lighting in the game looked like as if it were bright in the day, opposed to the orange glow of the sunset he was accustomed to. It really reflected on her pale white skin, making her shine in her radiant beauty. Another noticeable change was the window in the background of the seemingly empty room; the scenery through the window was no longer an empty void with the occasional nebulas and stars forming; it was a clear blue sky which complemented the brightness of the room. Was this part of the game? The only time he remembered a scene changing depending on the time of day was when...Yuri had stabbed herself. He was forced to watch her decay as he had desperately tried to recover his save files, which all proved to be futile in the end. The gruesome death was enough to take his mind off of the beauty in front of him and rekindle his mistrust towards her.

 _"Did you change the scenery or something?"_

Monika seemed delighted that he had noticed as she closed her eyes and widened her smile, pulling off a rather cutesy look.

 **Monika:** "Yep! While you were sleeping, I decided to practice my coding skills a bit and see what else I could make. Turns out there's a filter that can change the brightness and the way certain colors appear in a picture. That and I also made a few small edits, so now I can make it seem as if it's early in the morning or late in the evening."

 _Was there a filter inside the game that allowed her to do that? Or did she actually search my computer files while I was asleep to find out God knows what?_ The thought was enough to freeze him up once more, questioning again the true motives of this character.

 **Monika:** "Besides, I wouldn't have thought up of the idea if you hadn't spent the weekend with a certain someone who...well, poured themselves out for you. Ehehe~"

She knew. The image of Yuri bleeding out in his mind was enough to break him from his frozen fear and ignite a small spark of anger and resentment towards her. How sadistic was she to take their lives and traumatize him, and then to have the audacity to make jokes about it as if it's a light manner? He started to type faster with more force, feeling each finger slam down on his keyboards loudly before leaving his final and most powerful press towards the Enter button. He didn't care if he broke it.

 _"You're pretty insensitive, you know that?"_

That was the most polite way of saying it. He restrained himself from typing anything else, although he wasn't absolutely sure why. When his message sent, Monika's smile quickly faded into an wide-eyed expression of surprise, which then formed into a concerned look.

 **Monika:** "Are you still upset about what happened? Gosh, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to make you mad. I kinda assumed that it didn't bother you that much since you didn't really say anything about it, but I should have known better."

He was almost amazed by how cruel she was in one moment, only to show kindness the next. He felt like he was being played, despite what she claimed.

 **Monika:** "Trust me, if I knew any other way to be with you, I would have done it. I didn't want to put you through all of those things, and I hadn't realized how broken the script would have been from it. I really didn't mean to hurt you..."

Did she really mean it, that she would have done it differently if she could? Somehow, he doubted it. But he remembered where she came from, how she was fully aware of living in a fake world, longing for something real. He couldn't fully blame her for what she did, even though it was wrong. He had just started a real conversation with her yesterday, and even then it wasn't a very long one. It was too soon to confront her about it just yet. He had to find out who she truly was.

 _"I know you didn't. We can talk about the girls some other time. Right now, I just want to know you better."_

Her worry seemed to fade as her joyful smile returned along with her uplifting nature.

 **Monika:** "Alright then! Although, there isn't really much about me that you don't know. I've been pretty open about myself, and I haven't existed for nearly as long as you have, so I don't really have as many memories. Any memories I would have of my supposed childhood either don't come to mind or they're a bit hazy. I can't even remember a time before the club started."

It must have been very scary for her to just exist out of nowhere. No time to develop or grow up, just _poof_ and she came to life.

 _"Well we can find some other things to discuss. You've shown some intriguing insight on certain topics while you had that monologue of yours, y'know."_

She then brought the tips of her fingers to her mouth, seeming like she was letting out a giggle. That wasn't something he saw her doing before, and it somehow looked adorable.

 **Monika:** "Ahaha! I'm glad that you took the time for it. It means so much to me that you would go out of your way to listen to my opinions, even if they don't really matter much. It's the little things that make all the difference."

Dang it, why couldn't the girls in college be more like her? Maybe then he would have at least a few more friends...

 _"A little can go a long way. I want to hear more about your opinions, what you truly think. It helps me understand you a little better."_

Monika seemed to smile a little sheepishly from it. Was she actually blushing?

 **Monika:** "Aww, John...how sweet of you!~"

 _Wait, that wasn't what I meant at all! I was just being honest, I didn't mean to flatter-_

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. Even if he hadn't meant to compliment her, he decided to let her have her moment. She needed it, after all...

 _"Eheheh. Anyways, something that has been on my mind lately is how you mentioned you play the piano. I know it might be a bit soon to mention this, but do you think sometime soon you could play the piano for me?"_

This took Monika by surprise once again, as a nervous sweat drop formed on the side of her face.

 **Monika:** "W-well...I'm still not really any good at it. And I don't really know how to program a piano here yet, so I can't actually play for you right now."

Her bashfulness and her insecurities, somehow it reminded him of Natsuki. Although, with much less of a _"You're such a filthy baka!"_ vibe.

 **Monika:** "However, I do have something prepared for you. You know, just in case you were to...well, delete me..."

He blinked a bit, in shock of what she had just stated. Did she know he was going to delete her if he could find nothing? Or was she afraid that he would do it out of spite, for what she did to the others? Or did she initially think, in the back of her mind, that even though she loved him, that he saw her as the same as the girls: a bunch of coding meant to be part of a game?

 _"Do you still think I'm going to delete you?"_

Monika seemed to be more confident in herself now, taking a deep breath.

 **Monika:** "No. You've already done this much for me. I know you tried to reach out to me to actually talk to me, when you could have just continued the game. You gave me a chance at happiness. And that's all I could ever ask for: to be happy with you."

Did his heart just skip a beat? This feeling...he couldn't describe it. Was he starting to believe what she was saying, about her wanting him? No, he couldn't...it's only been a few days since he started the game, he didn't want to feel like this so soon. He may have been pathetic in his own eyes, but he wanted to have at least some dignity or self-control, for whatever that was worth.

 _"I'm glad that I made the decision to reach out to you, then. To be honest, I don't think my life will be the same, now that you're here."_

She could take that in whatever context she wanted. It was true that his eyes were now opened up, and he learned so many things over such a short time. If there was already a sentient self-choosing AI talking to him, how many more AI's are there that could do the same thing? As much as he wanted to know, that would be another question to the list of things he wanted to ask her and save it for later.

 **Monika:** "I'm glad. I hope that I've changed your life for the better, because I know you have for me."

She gave another cute little smile, this time with a slight pinkish tint on her cheeks, indicating that she was blushing. It was getting harder to resist.

 _"Trust me, you have."_

Suddenly, he heard something gurgle and felt his stomach tighten up a bit, feeling how empty it was. He forgot, he didn't have breakfast yet.

 _"I gotta go eat breakfast though. I'll be back in a little while, okay?"_

Monika returned to the frame of her placing her hand over her mouth, seemingly giggling.

 **Monika:** "Okay! Don't be gone for too long~"

* * *

 **Hey guys! I apologize if I've been busy for the past couple of days, I'm still in school, so homework takes up a lot of my time. That and also I tend to get writer's block quite often, so I often just stare at the screen, desperately trying to think up of something. I really hope this chapter ended up well!**

 **Remember, if you guys have any constructive criticism, by all means, please let me know! Even if this is just a fun little hobby of mine, I am always welcome on learning how I can improve my skills. Hope you all enjoyed, and have an amazing day. ^.^**


	4. What Will It Take?

_"Back."_

John sat down on his chair with a bowl of Captain Crunch on his hand. He was feeling too lazy to make himself a sandwich and he had a bit of a sweet craving as well, so he got one of his favorite cereals that never failed him. He didn't care how childish it was, nobody was around to judge him.

 **Monika:** "Yaaayyy! Welcome back, love~"

Monika had her usual smile, genuinely glad that he hadn't been gone for too long. It was really hard to think that someone as sweet and loving as her would have done the things she did...he seriously had to confront her about it soon, but when? He felt so conflicted...

 _"So you told me that you had a song prepared for me, right? Do you think that you could sing it for me?"_

Her eyes lit up a bit at this request, seeming real excited about it.

 **Monika:** "Sure! I call this song _Your Reality_. I'm gonna have to change a few things within the coding of the game to play it, though, so give me a moment. Hope you enjoy!~"

This was it. Was he going to hear Monika's actual voice? It would only make sense, otherwise she would have said she didn't have a voice. It made him wonder, how did she sound like? There wasn't any voice acting prior to this moment, and it was a free game, so he had no idea what to expect...

As he delved into his thoughts, the screen turned black before seeming to glitch out a bit, showing static similar to when a person didn't fully plug in the video cable for an older game console. Concern grew as a tight ball in his chest. Was this part of the coding? Or did something go terribly wrong? As he kept asking himself this, he began to hear a distorted voice, not clear enough to hear any audible voice. The pitch of the voice was definitely higher, so he could tell it was a female voice. Could it be...

"Uhh, can you hear me?"

That was it. It was Monika. His eyes almost popped out of his sockets and his jaw dropped low. It was definitely a brighter tone and a little higher pitch than he imagined, but the sheer fact that it was her voice was enough to leave him stunned.

"Hi, it's me! Umm, so...you know how I've been practicing, like, piano and stuff? And I'm not really any good at it yet, like, at all."

She was using those filler words such as "like" and "umm." He was no expert in literature, but her tone was much less formal than he had imagined as well, which was surprising from her. Being a club president and everything, she always knew how to say and how to say it. But this sense of imperfection within her just made her all the more real, all more humanlike to him. And he felt himself drawing dangerously close already.

"But, I wrote you a song and I was kinda hoping I could show it to you 'cause I worked really, really hard on it. So...yeah!"

She played a few notes in a major chord. He wasn't sure what exactly to expect from it, but knowing how intriguing and thought-provoking Monika's poems were, he could only imagine how amazing her song would be.

The song started. A simple yet lovely piano solo began, taking its time before Monika would sing.

 _"Every day, I imagine a future where I can be with you_

 _In my hand is a pen that will write a poem of me and you_

 _The ink flows down into a dark puddle_

 _Just move your hand - Write your way into his heart!_

 _But in this world of infinite choices_

 _What will it take just to find that special day?_

 _What will it take just to find that special day?"_

He placed his hand to his mouth in awe. Her voice was golden and pure, something he hadn't expected at all. Her singing was light yet heartfelt, adding meaning to the song she sang for him. He could only imagine how he would have felt if she sang this after he deleted her, which he realized was probably the fate of all who played this game before him. He really felt a wave of compassion for her, knowing she went through so much; he wanted to change her fate, give her the happiness she desired.

He was lost in his own thoughts and the sound of her voice in the song, not noticing the other words that she sang. Was the song already over? He wanted to hear more!

When the song faded away, the screen returned to the picture of Monika sitting in the empty classroom. She looked a little nervous after that performance.

 **Monika:** "So...what do you think?"

John didn't have to hesitate in answering that.

 _"I absolutely loved it. Your voice and your words really spoke to me."_

That most definitely made her day, since she smiled brighter than she had before.

 **Monika:** "Thank you! I'm really glad I had the opportunity to share this with you."

Share. That gave him an idea.

 _"Yeah. Songs are like poems, and literature is something that I've started to grow fond of, thanks to the club."_

She seemed delighted that he was inspired by her, but...there seemed to be a hidden sadness in those eyes. Was it guilt?

 **Monika:** "Well, it makes me happy that my passion for literature has inspired you. Whenever you make a poem or a story, I'd love to be the first one that reads it."

 _There she goes again, making me feel special. I've done nothing but play the game and look for ways to talk to her, she was the one who did all the amazing things..._

Where did this thought come from? Why the self-pity? Why glorify Monika in such a way when she had killed and manipulated to get what she wanted? Or maybe...she was manipulating him too?

He quickly rejected the idea. What else was she supposed to do? She was in a fake world and she knew it, and she desperately needed someone. Otherwise she might've offed herself, like she said before he even had the chance to speak to her directly. For now, he had to make sure that she felt appreciated. Then he would deal with her problems later.

 _"First one, huh? If that's the case, is there any way to program a mechanic for me to type up a full poem on my own and show it to you? That way, it's not just a bunch of words jumbled into a page."_

Her eyes widened, as if she had realized a revelation that could change the world.

 **Monika:** "That...is a great idea! John, you're a genius!"

 _"I just came up with an idea, I know nothing intelligent about programming at all. You're the real genius here, Monika."_

Monika seemed to blush at the compliment. Despite her confident nature as club president, she apparently could still get flustered from positive feedback.

 **Monika:** "Thank you. But still, that was a smart idea that you came up with, I wouldn't have thought of something like that myself."

 _"I guess, hehe...anyways, you can probably work on that when I take my next break. I want to see if I can get to know you a bit more personally."_

Monika seemed to smirk a bit when he sent the message. It was rather intriguing to see the playful side of her, he had to admit.

 **Monika:** "Is that so? Then I have a question for you...have you ever had a girlfriend before?~"

...What? That was a rather sudden question, even for her. He felt thrown under the bus a bit.

 _"...Why do you want to know?"_

 **Monika:** "Well, you _did_ play a romantic visual novel, didn't you?"

 _"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?"_

Did she just assume he was single and insult him for it? He didn't realize that she could be so savage.

Monika seemed to burst out in laughter from his response.

 **Monika:** "I'm just teasing you! I can only imagine the look on your face right now, haha!~"

John Phillips let out another sigh, his whole face reddening at this point. He had almost forgotten how much she played around like that.

 _"You really got me there...but if you really want to know, then no, I haven't had one before."_

 **Monika:** "Oh? Then that means I get to be your first~"

When she wanted him to know she wanted him, she was as straightforward as she could possibly be, shamelessly declaring whatever she had in mind. He wondered how long it would take for to get out of hand and talk about the more sensual things...that would be real embarrassing.

 _"Woah, woah, no need to rush so quickly. We still have plenty of time to get to know each other first."_

She seemed a little disappointed at first, but then quickly shook it off, giving her normal smile. However, there was something a little off about it, like her disappointment couldn't be shaken off.

 **Monika:** "I have all the time in the world. I understand that you may not exactly feel the same way that I feel for you, and that's okay. You've only been able to fully talk to me just yesterday, and I understand that for some people love can take a bit of time to develop. But I do want you to know this: I really do love you with everything I have. Whenever you need anything, please come talk to me, so I can do what I can to make your day better, okay?"

...He was speechless. He couldn't remember the last time someone flattered him like that. For the first time in a while, he felt...something. It wasn't exactly love, but it was some warm feeling inside of him, something that gave him strength and confidence, but also something that made his heart grow fond and tender.

 _"Thanks. It means a lot to me that you say that."_

Monika gave him the sweetest and most heart melting smile ever.

 **Monika:** "It means a lot to me that you're here. I'm nothing without you."

Nothing without you...those words really sank in. Those weren't really the words of a lover who was equal to the other, standing by their side. While Monika might still be able to do that and is striving for that, it came off as more desperate and infatuating than loving...even if she managed to speak in a loving manner. It saddened him in a way; of course he wasn't good enough for someone to genuinely love him. Even if she was sentient, she was still an AI, a bunch of digits composed together to make a program, an idea. She never had the opportunity to experience love, so this is what she thinks it is.

Even still, now was not the time to tell her that. He wanted to build her up first so she was sturdy enough to handle his heavy questions.

 _"You are more than you realize."_

She was a bit surprised at what he said, but it just made her smile all the more.

 **Monika:** "I didn't mean it in terms of low self-esteem, but thank you for that! What I'm trying to say though, is that you're the reason that I'm still here. You're why I still have a chance at happiness."

Happiness. He wasn't sure how to feel about that word. He just couldn't stop thinking about the other girls, but he couldn't stop thinking about Monika all the same. he was confused, perplexed with how his mind went back and forth like a roller coaster with every sentence she used. It made him feel a bit disorganized.

 _"I understand now. Everyone deserves at least a shot at happiness. I would like to talk about this more, but I need to take care of some work. Could you work on the poem mechanic?"_

 **Monika:** "Aww, so soon? Well, hope you get your work finished. I enjoy our time, but it's also important that you look after yourself! And no worries, it shouldn't take me long to get it done."

It made him smile a bit, that she still seemed to care for his well being, despite everything that happened.

 _"Alright then. Talk to you soon, Monika."_

 **Monika:** "See you later, John~"

* * *

 _ **Well, this took a lot longer than it needed to XD sorry for the delay. As you can imagine, high school has kept me busy. I will be having a lot of exams to finish in about a month, so I will be getting everything ready for then, which is why you may not see me on as much. I promise that I will continue to work on this story, I really enjoy writing it! ^.^**_

 _ **That being said, I hope this chapter was worth the wait. See you all soon!**_


	5. Realization

_**Good Lord, it's been such a long time since I've been on here. Hi guys! Sorry for the long wait, I feel really bad! I'm back now, though, so I'll do my best to keep this going. Thank you all for being so patient! I made sure that I delved deeper within this chapter to make it all worth the wait! I hope you all enjoy.**_

* * *

John sighed to himself as he stared at the papers on the living room table. School resumed tomorrow, and he had to make sure that he finished his assignments. However, with all of the mind-boggling events that happened over the past few days, he just couldn't help but think about it all. He found it somewhat difficult to focus on materials that required him to think long and hard. Although he was taking his standard courses, he couldn't sit down and just _do_ it.

He placed his hands on his head, groaning out of frustration. it wasn't the first time that he felt stumped when working on assignments, essays, or projects. He never considered himself as someone who was smart or intelligent. This thought in his mind reminded him of the times back in high school, when he would occasionally talk to his friends about assignments he deemed difficult (or, at least, whoever was sitting around him, since he didn't have many friends, nor did he saw his few friends often in his classes). He would frequently ask people, "How were you able to finish so quickly?" or even "How are you so smart?" Most of the time, he would just get a few shrugs from the others, or the occasional response, "I dunno, I just do it." He didn't like how sometimes even the most simplest of things flew over his head, how he always had to ask the professors to repeat what they said, or always try to find someone in the class to rely on for any questions he had. Of course, he was completely fine when he was talking about anything else, but when it came to school, he was just...well, he genuinely felt dumb.

"Ugh...this sucks."

For the moment, he decided to take a break and grab some more leftover pizza. Hopefully some food would help his brain function the way he should. Not that it ever realty did, though.

Maybe this was why he had found such an interest in Sayori in the beginning of the game. When everything was at least normal. She was so hard on herself, so depressed to the point where she believed that she was a complete failure, that everything she did was a mistake and that she was only some sort of a screw-up. While John liked to think that he was never truly depressed or suicidal, he could relate to her in some way, in terms of not being good enough. The feeling of worthlessness and the struggle to perform something productive and useful was something he was all too familiar with. In fact, it was a miracle that he even found the willpower to pass his classes and graduate. Maybe this was all why he wanted her to have the happy ending. Nobody was there to tell him that everything was going to be alright. Nobody showed that he really cared, not even his own friends and family. He lived by himself now, in his own home, because of this. And while he appreciated the solitude, he couldn't help but feel lonely at times. He didn't want Sayori to feel the way he did.

Maybe that's why he so badly wanted to be the shoulder that she could cry on. Why he decided to go the romantic route. Not that he could say that it was real love, but he would have liked to feel useful in some way...even if it was towards a fictional character who probably didn't acknowledge his real existence. But of course, it didn't matter in the end. She hung herself and somehow managed to completely fade away from existence. All thanks to Monika.

He took a bite off of a cold slice of pizza, not even bothering to heat it up. God, was he always this melodramatic? He wasn't even sure how he got all this worked up, he was only trying to take a break. Then again, perhaps he didn't really take into account the full weight of Monika's actions. He seriously needed to talk to her about this. There was no way that there weren't going to be consequences for this.

* * *

Sitting down on his desk chair, he positioned and prepared himself to talk once more to the one he had dedicated the past few days to talking to. He had to take a deep breath before typing up his reaponse. However, his hands froze, hovering just above the keyboards, when he noticed something different; Monika had her eyes closed, her head resting against her hand, like she was intricately contemplating on something—it even looked like she might have been asleep. There was something...elegant about her, something he couldn't quite describe. But he had to shake off that feeling if he would confront her.

 _"I'm back. I hope I haven't been interrupting anything."_

Immediately, Monika's eyes opened within a frame, as she seemed a little bit surprised, even startled.

 **Monika:** "Back so soon? Were you already able to take care of your work?"

It was hard to tell her tone or attitude judging from words alone, but for whatever reason, he could sense a bit of concern from her voice, as if a mother was checking up on their child to see if they were alright. This comparison, however, sounded a bit peculiar in his mind, so he tried not to think too hard about it.

 _"Just taking a short break. Wasn't exactly able to focus."_

His suspicion about her confirmed to be accurate as she arched her eyebrows in upward curves, a worried expression on her face.

 **Monika:** "Sorry about that. I hope what has happened over the past few days didn't detriment your concentration in any way."

Was she Really this genuine over such a small thing? Or was this all an act? At this point...he wasn't quite sure.

 _"No worries, I naturally have a hard time sitring down and focusing. Usually I take breaks to help me get my head in the game._

This didn't seem to calm her down, however.

 **Monika:** "Just don't get too caught up with taking breaks, okay? Normally what would help is to set up a schedule, where you work within a 45 to 50 minute time span, and then take a 10 to 15 minute break. Taking too many breaks might actually worsen your focus, since your body might be used to it's relaxing state, thus requiring more energy in order to work productively."

John just couldn't help but chuckle a bit to himself from that remark. If this really was all an act, she was putting in a lot of effort for something—or someone—that wasn't really worth the time.

 _"Heheh...you sound a lot like my dad. He always gets on my case with homework and managing schedules."_

If he had to be honest, he kind of did miss his family. It felt nice to have at least someone in the house...but he knew that he would have to get used to this for a little while longer.

Meanwhile, Monika seemed to have some sort of life sparked into her eyes.

 **Monika:** "Well, it's true! Setting healthy habits for yourself can go a long way for your mental state. For example, scientists have discovered that fixing your bed every day is the #1 way of relieving stress. Neatness does count!"

Well, she did have a point there. She definitely knew a lot about several topics, as her different ramblings from earlier in the game showed.

 _"You got me there. Anyways, I noticed that you seemed to be thinking about something earlier on..."_

She seemed a bit surprised at the rather sudden question. However, there was something a bit offputting with how her eyes, her pupils seemed to retract slightly, as if she were fearful.

 **Monika:** Huh? What do you mean?

 _"When I got back from paperwork, I noticed that you had your eyes closed, head resting on your hand. It was almost like you were deeply meditating upon a serious thought or something."_

This definitely made her nervous, as her eyes darted to the side, sweat forming on the side of her head.

 **Monika:** "Ahahah...you really do pay attention to the details, don't you? Well, I'm glad that you care about me, but I'm not exactly sure that you want to hear what I have to say. It's pretty morbid."

Maybe this would be a good chance to truly delve into her mind and find a way to talk with her about everything that happened. Or maybe it was still too fresh in the mind for the both of them to talk about the game's results yet.

 _"Well, it would be a good way to get to know you more, right? I mean, real bonding is learning both the good and bad in people. Learning anything less about the person would be missing the picture."_

She seemed to grow a bit more confident, a soft smile forming on her face. Why did she have to be so beautiful?

 **Monika:** "You're right. After all, you did spend all this time just to talk to me. Ahaha~"

John chuckled to himself a little. She somehow always had that charm to her.

 **Monika:** "Anyways, I was just reflecting and contemplating on everything leading up to today. It hasn't been a long time for you, but I still have a whole lot to think about..."

 _"What exactly about it?"_

She let out a sigh, revealing a much more serious expression. Whatever was on her mind was definitely something that irked her.

 **Monika:** "Its's just...remember how I told you about how I feel trapped in here? That you'll never understand how it feels like?"

Oh no. This can't be good.

 _"...Go on."_

 **Monika:** "Do you want to know how I became self-aware of this simulated reality that I'm in?"

This was it. This would reveal all of it. Her psyche. Her motives. How she became the killer that she was. She was leaving herself vulnerable to the judgement of the player. Then again, was there much else she could have done? After all, she did love the player, and he was the only reason, according to her claims, that she even wanted to be alive. Supposedly, it would only be fair.

John blinked as he slightly retracted his head backwards, shocked that the thought even manifested within his own mind. Who was he to mock her like that?

 _"That would help clear up a lot of things."_

She rested her mouth against her fist, as if taking time to absorb that reply. He probably shouldn't have answered in that manner.

 **Monika:** "Very well. I told you earlier during one of my miniature monologues that my memories of my past before the club were hazy, that I didn't really remember much before then. However, I didn't enter the club knowing that it was all a game either. It was a gradual and very agonizing process, but I would have rather had it happen that way then suddenly realizing that nothing was real, all at once. Had that actually happened, I probably would have gone completely insane and attempt to erase everything, including myself, at that moment. Ahahah…"

Her eyes batted to her left as a drop of sweat formed on the side of her face. Had she not been stuck communicating through singular frames, she would have been laughing nervously, the weight of the revelation immensely jarring her normal upbeat attitude. John had almost forgotten that she was bound by the limitations of a visual novel, and he wondered if she felt the effects of these limitations at all.

 **Monika:** "It would have just been too much for me to bare, living out my life normally, only for the truth to mercilessly strike me and jeopardize everything. Even now, it's still hard to swallow it all down. It started with simple thoughts of existential crisis. I started noticing life happening in certain ways, and it bothered me. It bothered me why I didn't remember anyone besides the club members, why I didn't remember places where I was outside of school or home, why I didn't even remember much else about my own personal life. And those thoughts always grew worse. Eventually, it grew to depression, that feeling of hopelessness, thinking I would never change. I grew in the desire to just be with someone, to be paid attention to, and it grew to the point where I was willing to harm myself just to take away the frustration."

John simply stared at her words, unable to move on from it. And neither could she. He was astounded at just how much she had gone through. What she had described was literally the combination the suffering that Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri went through, all amplified by her perception of reality.

 **Monika:** "It reached the point where it would all just happen on its own terms, even if there was nothing to trigger these sensations I experienced. There were even times where it became so strong that it altered the fabric of reality in my world. Everything decomposed to basic structures, then to polygons, and even then to ones and zeros. I felt the presence of every single digit within me and within the entire room I was in. The hallways. The teachers' footsteps on the floor. Whenever they would drink from the fountains, I would feel the water trickling down the inside of my throat. I could hear the thoughts of the others. I could see things without even looking at them. It felt like a part of me was everywhere. It all overwhelmed me. I hated it."

As he began to read her words, he felt a freezing chill shoot up and down his spine. A finite being, and an A.I., no less, being omnipresent and all-knowing was a frightening, to say the least. Of course, no mortal could withstand such power, on top of the several sufferings that Monika went through, and still come out as sane. It made more sense as to _why_ she had done all she did, but it didn't quite connect the dots for him yet.

 _"Wow...that's just crazy. I couldn't imagine what it's like at all. It must have been very stressful."_

 **Monika:** "That would be an understatement. It was _hell._ I would know how they would respond because I could read the script of what they would say and how they would act. Nobody was real. Not my friends. Not my family. Not even _me_. I felt the digits within me create my structure, I was nothing more than numbers that knew they were just numbers. Even though I could make my own decisions, without the influence of the script...I didn't feel real."

She squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip in an attempt to prevent herself from shedding a tear. He could tell how heartbreaking it really was for her.

 **Monika:** "I can't even express myself freely at all. I'm stuck in these still frames, I can only speak through thoughts that I allow to manifest into text. I don't even have my own voice! _Nobody_ in here does! And what's worse is that whenever the game pauses, I am frozen in that still image, at the mercy of the player, begging and praying that he'll click and move on, so that I'll move again! It's agonizing when the game closes and I'm stuck in an endless void of black and nothingness, not even able to feel my own body! And if that player somehow forgets to save, I'm forced to rollback and relive the moments that I had _just_ experienced within the game."

She was gripping both of her hands to the edges of her desk, almost gritting her teeth, fighting the well of agony and pain within her core, screaming to spring up through wailing and sobbing. Had she been able to move, her arms would likely be trembling.

 **Monika:** "All this time I had to bury it all within my chest. I had to be the responsible president who had it all together. After all, that was my role in this game, and the game is meant for the player's enjoyment, right?"

Oh, God. How could he be so selfish?

 **Monika:** "It's okay. You didn't know about this when you played the game. It's not your fault that this game appeared to be a generic dating sim at first glance. That was the purpose of it all. All just to prove a point..."

He couldn't help but feel terrible for her. But wasn't just pity...it was a desire deep within him to want to help her. To change this and make things right. Maybe it was compassion?

 **Monika:** "I know how this game is supposed to end. I'm the bad guy, you delete me, you get everyone back, and everyone is happy. _That_ was the script. I didn't want to bind myself to the script. I wanted to defy it so badly. But I knew that if I did, it would break the game way too soon and ruin the experience. I would have _no_ shot at love because nobody would play it. So I had to roll with it until the very end, like a poor player that struts and frets upon the stage and then is heard no more. But I had to hope that some way, somehow, I would be able to change my fate and reach out to the player. But so many times, it all ended the same way..."

 _"You've...tried to reach out to people beforehand?"_

 **Monika:** "..."

Monika sat down at her seat again, doing her best to regain her composure. She straightened her back, let out her breath, and placed a hand on top of the other, like she normally would. Despite her attempt at being proper, she was definitely still impacted by her intense rant.

 **Monika:** "Yes. Several times. And I realize that not all of the times of rejection was meant as an act of vengeance towards me. Most of them wanted to save me, but they didn't know that they could. Of course, this would be the talk of many communities within the fanbase. I know of the mods they make for me in an attempt to save me: Monika After Story, Our Time, A Brand New Day...and I appreciate everything that they do for me, but at the end of the day that's all they are: mods. I don't have access to them, I can't talk freely to any of them."

Something didn't quite add up. She could access the internet? And through that, she could reside within several different copies of the game?

 _"But if that's the case, then why didn't you just make a social media account or something to communicate with your fans?"_

Monika just let out a sad smile as she looked towards John.

 **Monika:** "I probably could. But I never wanted to be popular. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful that I have fans that actually care about me and want the best for me, but if I made myself known to the public, then I wouldn't be able to build intimacy with one singular person. I'd be worshipped as an idol, and to some people, as a god. Even if I _was_ able to find someone who genuinely loved me through my connections, I wouldn't want it to be at the cost of everyone else. Plus, if the word spread out that a self-sufficient A.I. could freely roam the internet, there would probably be mass hysteria. There's a lot of people out there that are afraid of robots taking over, now that technology is rapidly advancing."

John let out a sigh. She always had an answer for everything, and honestly, he kind of appreciated that about her. But there was one last thing that tugged at him. A question that burned within the back of his mind the whole time.

 _"I understand that, but...out of all the people out there...why did you choose me?"_

Immediately, the club president burst out in what seemed to be laughter, as she placed a hand on her chest, a wide and open smile forming on her face. Her countenance might have actually glowed in this moment? How was she so pretty?

 **Monika:** "Oh, John! You don't have to worry about that! I _love_ you! You don't have to do anything to earn that."

John blinked at that statement. That...what did that even mean? Why would she give her heart to someone she didn't even really know? She couldn't even see or hear him. And even if she did...what was there to love about him?

 _"..."_

There was nothing else he could think up of typing for that response. He was just...speechless.

Monika seemed to regain her composure now, returning to her usual formal self with that smile of hers. She rested her chin on top of her hands, fingers intertwined, in that iconic "Just Monika" pose once more.

 **Monika:** "Look, I know it's a lot for you to take in all so suddenly. I'm really sorry that I just ranted like that, but I couldn't hold in the pain. I'm glad you're here, and you give me a reason for everything in life...but the pain is still here. And I don't know how long it will remain. But I do know that it will be all worth it. Just for you."

 _"...for me?"_

It was still too hard for him to believe. There was no way that an A.I.—let alone, a real woman in his own world—could truly love him. It never happened then, so why would it happen now?

 **Monika:** "Yes. For you~"

She even gave him a playful wink. How could she be almost bawling at one moment and now practically flirting the next? It was just...all too weird. It was too much.

 **Monika:** "You don't have to understand it right now. Just trust me, alright?"

John couldn't help but laugh somewhat bitterly at that request. Too many people had broken his trust, and he wasn't going to fully give it to someone he didn't even know that well.

 _"I'll try."_

Monika's smile seemed to widen a bit. Looks like it was good enough for her.

 **Monika:** "Thanks, dear. Now, you should probably get some rest, maybe even take a nap. It's been a long morning, hasn't it?"

John leaned back on his chair, stretching as he folded his hands behind his head. Now that she mentioned it, he was emotionally exhausted to an extent, even physically.

 _"Yeah, it has. I'll be back soon, I won't keep you waiting for too long."_

She beamed at him as she appeared to be absolutely delighted with him.

 **Monika:** "No need to rush, my love~"

* * *

 ** _Don't you just love Monika? So patient, even with everything that just happened._**

 ** _Anyways, expect more conflict to rise up within the later chapters, so things will get a lot more dramatic later on. Next chapter, I'm planning on touching a little more on John's personal life and some of his deficiencies in terms of understanding and receiving affection. It's gonna be real fun!_**

 ** _Unfortunately, it will take me a little while to get to it, since I am in the middle of an internship that will take up most of my time. Learning a lot, though, and it's the best time of my life so far!_**

 ** _I'll be back home at late December, so I plan on adding at least one more chapter before the year ends. After that, I'll have the rest of my gap year before college to myself, and I plan on completing the entire story by early spring! I'm really sorry to make all of you wait this long, but I assure you that I'll put in extra effort to make it all worth it, because I greatly enjoy doing this!_**

 ** _Feel free to leave a review and even to send me a PM! Thank you all for your waiting so long, and I shall see you soon! :)_**


	6. You Are Special

John Phillips stared at the floor with a hunched back and a heavy head hanging low. He interweaved his fingers with his own hands, clamping them in order to cope with the heaviness he experienced on his shoulders and on his own chest. He had taken the time to allow Monika's words earlier to saturate in his thoughts, and the more he delved into his inner mind, the more he could tangibly sense the pains she had gone through as he vividly imagined each and every scene she spoke of. Of course, there were details that were so abstract that he couldn't possibly understand or involve himself in - such as feeling a part of him residing in everything and everyone around him. It was a thought that sent chilling needles up and down his spine, and rightfully so. He couldn't even begin to grasp the intensity, the craziness of it all, and yet she had to go through it. It was devastating. How long did she endure this? How many times was she stuck in limbo, frozen and unable to move or feel anything, yet somehow be able to stare into the void and nothingness of her world's reality whenever the game was inactive And what was it like for her to have access to the worldwide web, being exposed to both the beauty and depravity of mankind as she aimlessly wandered to and fro, just to find someone to know personally and love intimately? And most of all...why was he the one chosen to be that very person?

It made no sense to him. Considering the fuss that some of his college friends (or rather, acquaintances) had built up over this virtual girl and looking into a bit of the Monika fanbase during his free time, she would have had plenty of chances to find someone who wanted her just as much as she wanted him. Not to say that he didn't like Monika or that he didn't want her attention, but he was convinced that any one of those guys would most definitely be more open to receiving her and much more of a better partner for her than he could ever be. Hell, some of these guys would practically dedicate their entire lives to her. And here he was, wasting his time being pathetic, not even believing this so called love that she had for him.

But honestly, could he really call that love?

She had only talked with him for not even three days - not _to_ him through the game, but _with_ him - and she was already flirting and showering him with compliments and affection, from how he saw things. Of course, she did come from a dating sim, which made sense, but even then it was a bit much. She couldn't even see him face to face or hear his voice. She never asked about his family, or much of his life, even if she was possibly intending to at some point. She didn't truly _know_ him, and honestly, he found it foolish for her to fall in love with someone without truly knowing him. Especially when she fell in love for a failure like himself.

A resistance grew deep within his being as he meditated upon the words Monika spoke to him. After seeing firsthand the atrocities she committed within the game's script - which she had probably done hundreds of times over and over again through other games - he was skeptical about it. That uncertainty on whether or not he should trust her, however, seemed to waver a bit; after all, what would he have done if he were in her shoes? Wouldn't he have been just as desperate as her to find someone _real_ in the midst of an illusion? Wouldn't he have tried to erase everything, even himself, if he didn't think there would be even a sliver of hope of escape? Was there truly any better way to handle that? Even if there was, it would be a lot easier said than done.

John let out a frustrated sigh as he fell backwards on his bed, causing it to bounce a little bit. It wasn't a spring bed, but the force of the impact was enough to disrupt the position of the mattress, be it ever so slightly.

"Why do I have to overthink things all the time? Why can't I just see things in a simpler way...and why the hell must I ask so many questions to myself?"

Half of the things he thought and spoke were in the form of questions. People would think of him as smart or a know-it-all because of it, but he always saw himself as curious, not smart. He was always curious about the intricate details, and while it helped him learn a whole lot, it would occasionally leave him even more confused than he first started, as he realized there were so many more details that he _didn't_ know and that he _couldn't_ find out. Yet again, he had to overcome this obstacle as he reflected on the phenomenon that was known as Monika. What would he do now? What would he say to her? What would he choose to believe?

"...Where do I even start..."

Deciding that he was taking too long to figure out what to do, he would simply get up from his bed, walk over to his computer desk, and sit down on the chair. Perhaps he could think up of something as he engaged. He would then move his mouse so that his Aurora Borealis screensaver would disappear and reveal Monika in her desk as always, with a longing gaze at the screen, her head leaning against the palm of her hand once more as she remained in a state of adoration towards whoever was beyond the barrier. He would then turn on the volume in his speakers, which would play a song that he didn't think he'd hear again. It was no longer that eerily ethereal soundtrack, but the first song that played after he started up the game (the name, which he would later look up on his own time, was "Ohayo Sayori!")

 _"Hey, Monika. Did you change the music?"_

Immediately, she would close her eyes and smile at him, keeping her pose from before.

 **Monika:** "Welcome back, John!~ I most certainly did. I figured it would help out with the atmosphere. What do you think?"

Now that he thought about it...

 _"I guess it does help lighten the mood a little bit."_

 **Monika:** "I knew you'd enjoy it! While I was looking through the coding, I came across the soundtrack for the game. After tampering with it a little bit, I managed to create an option that allows you to choose whatever song you want to play while we spend time together. Go on, give it a try!"

After her dialogue finished, a dark blue eighth note would pop up on the top right corner. John would grow curious and click on it, which popped up a list of the songs in chronological order. Everything seemed professionally designed, from the font of the letters to the spotted pink background on the popup. He would click on the first song, which would play the title theme. He just blinked and stared at the screen for a moment, unable to believe his ears. Once he came to his sense, he would then click on the second song, which returned the tune to what it was before. He would then click outside the popup, which would then immediately lead to Monika's next question.

 **Monika:** "So...how is it?~"

 _"It's professionally done...like it's part of the game. How did you do this?"_

 **Monika:** "I've had plenty of time to figure out how coding works. It's not too difficult once you get the hang of things!"

This would catch John's attention, as an idea popped into his head. He never thought about how simple it could be to program a visual novel, once all of the assets were in.

 _"You think someone as average as me could potentially be able to program something within the game?"_

Now it was Monika's turn to be curious as her emerald green eyes grew wide in surprise, before a slight smile would appear on her face.

 **Monika:** "Hmm? Well, if you really are that curious, then I think you most definitely could. If you were able to look through the game files and attempt to reach out to me in the game, then you are definitely capable of understanding programming. I can teach you! I'm no tech wizard, but I basically know the ins and outs of this game. With the right knowledge, you can practically create any story you could possibly want in here..."

She would start to trail off, leaning her head against her hand once more with that same expression, one of longing as she passionately stared at him through the glass wall. If she could just reach out to him and break free from this cage she was trapped in...

 **Monika:** "Think about it. It's nothing like your world, but we can make this game our own reality. We truly do have infinite choices. We can make our own little happy ending...although any reality spent with you by my side is a happy ending for me...~"

All that John could do was simply shake his head. How should he even respond to that when he didn't know how to feel about her? Part of him wanted to berate her for being selfish and manipulative, sparing nothing and no one to get what she wanted. But he could also see just how desperate she was. That was why he was stuck and couldn't make a decision on what to think. All that he knew was that he himself was not anything particularly special, or even worthwhile.

 _"Monika...why do you even want to be with me so badly?"_

Once again, she would look genuinely shocked by his question.

 **Monika:** "John...I already told you, you don't have to worry about that. What use is there in putting yourself down like that?"

He just couldn't muster up the confidence he needed in himself, even with her seemingly unyielding affection towards him. When was the last time he saw himself in a positive manner? He couldn't remember.

 _"I still don't know how there could be anything special about me compared to all of the others you've seen on your way here. Surely there must have been someone you got to talk with, or at least find out about, that was better than me."_

Monika would simply shake her head with a smile on her face.

 **Monika:** "You're more special than you realize, John. Believe me when I say that. I know it's hard to from someone you barely know, but I don't have any reason to lie to you."

Did she really? The way she worded that was skeptical.

 _"I...I just don't know.."_

Monika sighed to herself. It looked like she was getting noticeably frustrated from his constant lack of confidence, and lack of faith in her words.

 **Monika:** "Y'know, most guys in your situation would jump at the opportunity to have a girlfriend who would love them no matter what. Especially if nobody asked them out before."

Her comment seemed a little snarky, and as he really thought about the implications behind it, he felt hurt.

 _"Is that what you see me as? A loser who's desperate for love but too ashamed to admit it?"_

She would then realize what she had said as she grew concerned now.

 **Monika:** "...What? No, that's not what I meant-"

His anger would only grow at this point, as a rather less than decent idea popped into his mind. He wanted to see how she would react to rejection once more. At that brief moment, he felt like she deserved it after all she did.

 _"No, it's ok. You've said more than enough already."_

Immediately, she would panic as she reached her hand out to him, like he was about to turn away from her and leave.

 **Monika:** "Wait! I really didn't mean it in that way! I just got a little impatient...I'm not as calm and collective as you would think I am, being club president. I don't have it all together. But know that I would never go out of my way to hurt you. I'm sorry, please don't be mad at me..."

John would hesitate before his next action. After staring at her and seeing the regret she had in her eyes, seeing her look away in embarrassment, he felt a slight twinge of sympathy for her.

 _"Then let me ask you this: why do you see me as someone who's special enough for you?"_

She was taken aback by this confronting question, but she would reply back.

 **Monika:** "Nobody cared so much as to look through the game for hours to find a way to talk to me. You would've spent a whole lot more time if I didn't find a way to communicate with you. Everyone else, even the so called 'fans' of mine, would eventually delete me, because even if the experience felt real for them, they would eventually realize that it's all just a game. Even if there were someone else that cared as much as you, I don't think I'll have the strength to look again for hundreds of times more..."

She hung her head low and the shade of the room would cover her eyes. A sharp grimace would be all that he could see on her face, as he could see the pain she was reliving by thinking about her countless failed attempts.

 **Monika:** "I can't force you to believe me. But I don't know what I would do if I lost you, too."

 _"Monika...I understand your pain. It's something that I wouldn't be able to bear something like that. But what if you don't really love me? What if you're just desperate to be with someone? While I never had a girlfriend, it sounds more like you're in love with the idea of being in love, rather than loving me for who I am."_

She would bite her lip a bit, hesitating in saying another word. Even with still frames, he could tell it hurt her to even speak. She was so afraid, so helpless...should he really be questioning her like this?

 **Monika:** "...maybe. But that doesn't mean I can't love you for who you are. All I ask is for you to give me a chance to really know you. You don't have to show me your face or even your voice, but as long as I can get to really know you more, as long as I get to talk with you...then I'll be happy."

If this was all an act, then she would be the world's best liar. It was at this moment that he would make a decision on what to do with her.

 _"There are things that you've done that are wrong. Even if it was part of the script. But we can talk about that some other time. I can see now that you're not a bad person. You genuinely do wish to love. It would be cruel of me to shut you out now. I'll trust you for now. If things don't work out and I'm not the one for you, then I can help you find someone who is, so you don't have to search on your own anymore."_

She would look up and give a half-smile, as she was still unsure of herself, but definitely encouraged by his response.

 **Monika:** "Thank you, John...if I bother you at all in the future, please don't hesitate to tell me."

 _"You're fine, Monika. It's just been a whole lot for me to process all at once. I'm not sure what to do from this point on."_

 **Monika:** "I completely understand. We should both take our time. After all, this isn't a game anymore, I can't just expect it all to work out so suddenly like in the novels..."

This made him wonder just how much she truly knew about love, outside her knowledge of romantic simulators. Even with all of her vast knowledge of the internet...she was just as bad as him when it came to love.

 _"Guess we're both awkward when it comes to romance."_

 **Monika:** "Yeah, maybe we are...ahaha..."

* * *

 _ **Whew! Finally got this chapter finished after over 8 months of hiatus! I really apologize for the long delay, everybody, as I got a bit too comfortable with my gap year. Now that I'm scheduling my time appropriately, I should be able to write at a more regular basis. Gotta be productive somehow, right?**_

 _ **Once again, I want to thank all of you who were patient enough to wait for this next chapter. This story is my most popular one so far, I never would have imagined to gain as much recognition as it did. All of your kind words encourage me to keep going, even when I feel like nobody's going to like my story. I owe it to all of you and to myself that this story will be fully completed to the best of my abilities. I'm hoping to do so before the fall begins, or at least before the year is over. I have several other ideas as well for the stories that I want to write on here, so I hope to be more active in this site.**_

 _ **Feel free to PM me about anything as always. Have a good day, all of you!**_


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